Stay Away From Wax Tadpoles
by Mrs. Norris1
Summary: A rather odd little fic about a trip to Hogsmeade that went...well, rather odd. In response to this month's ACHOO challenge!


This is in response to this month's ACHOO challenge. The requirements were as follows:

DUE BY DECEMBER 15TH

*A professor must have a radio in his or her classroom 

*Must include "Misty Seaweed"-colored makeup of some sort.... whatever THAT looks like... scary...

*Someone must say "Bite the wax tadpole" 

*Must mention odd socks (for example, the ones I'm wearing that say "Juvenile Delinquent")

*You must use the letter "x"... it's a poor, neglected letter, and I feel bad for it...

Yes.well. here goes nothing!

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Stay Away From Wax Tadpoles

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were returning from Hogsmeade, shivering from the cold, but fat and happy and rather full of wax. The day had started out like it normally did, with Harry, Ron, Neville, and Dean tossing Seamus out of the open window to wake him up (he was a very heavy sleeper).

After breakfast, the trio headed for Potions. This is when things started to go a bit out of line. They could hear radio music coming from the dungeons. As they drew closer, they realized it was not only radio music but ::insert gasp here::A.M. RADIO MUSIC! The static and horrible conga music being emitted from the large, purple radio that sat on Snape's desk was enough to send several students into states of shock and panic.

Snape, being the Snapeish person he was, just stood by and watched his students throw mad, seizure-like fits, pounding their fists wildly on the stone floor and begging for mercy at his feet. Harry managed to crawl up to the radio and switch it off. On the way he noticed Snape was wearing some rather odd socks. The right one said, "If you like cream cheese, raise your hand!" and the left said, "Hahahahahahahhahahahahaha!!!!!" They were a violent shade of pink and behind the writing, Harry could see little pictures of Timon and Pumbaa from the Lion King.

The entire class breathed a sigh of relief when the horrible music finally ended. However, Snape was looking murderous. But Harry had a sudden idea to save him from trouble.

"Nice socks, Professor," Harry said coolly, watching Snape's sallow face turn the color of dog vomit mixed with cranberry juice.

"Class dismissed!" shouted Snape hurriedly, and the class thundered out the door. 

The time for them to board their coaches and head over to Hogsmeade had finally come. They hoped the rest of the day would turn out rather normal, but alas, they were wrong. Neville was running around and around the horse-less carriages, refusing to get in one, and shouting, "X! X! X! X! Bwahahaha, free all the X's from the zoo! X! X! X!"

When they arrived at Hogsmeade, they first got a drink at the Hog's Head, then Hermione dragged them into a beauty store she had discovered on their last trip. 

"Oh, look, they've got a new color in!" she cried excitedly, flinging herself at the makeup section. "Misty seaweed! Oh, Harry, isn't it beautiful?"

Harry agreed that it was a nice color, but he had no idea why it was called misty seaweed when it was a shade of peachy orange.

Hermione continued to babble on. "They've got lipstick, eyeliner, eyeshadow, blush, and nail polish! Oh I must have it all!" 

Ron looked at her weirdly. "You don't wear makeup, Hermione."

"Yes, you idiot, I know that. But it's all just so pretty!" Hermione giggled a rather maniacal giggle and shoved all that she could carry into her cart and went to pay for it.

Several minutes later, the three friends found themselves inside Honeyduke's. 

They all bought several of almost every kind of candy in the shop, then sat outside to eat them.

"Bite the wax tadpole!" said Ron. "It makes your teeth all tingly, and also if you do your eyes will fall out!" Ron bit into the small wax tadpole, shivered from the tingly sensation, then popped his eyes back in, which had fallen into his lap.

"No thanks," said Harry and Hermione in unison, edging away from Ron slightly.

"You know you want to!" shouted Ron, shoving the tadpoles into their mouths. Harry and Hermione swallowed them without chewing.

"Oops," said Hermione unconvincingly. "They must be broken! Heh heh!"

Ron looked a bit disheartened, so Harry said, "Come on, Ronald dear, let's go take a walk!"

And so they took a walk. But on the walk, they unfortunately met Draco Malfoy (not unfortunate for me, mind you, unfortunate for them J ). 

"Weasley's cool!" shouted Malfoy. "Cool kid, real cool kid, Weasley has friends!"

Harry, Ron, and Hermione ran off as quickly as possible, sensing Malfoy was yet again drunk on octopus juice.

"This day is rather odd, don't you think?" said Harry, once they had escaped from Malfoy, who could be heard in the distance singing "We're off to see the wizard".

"Yes, quite odd," said Hermione, who was busy applying eyeshadow to her ear lobes.

"I do agree," said Ron, who was also rather busy gnawing on another tadpole.

Harry sighed, turned into a fish, and turned back into Harry. "Shall we go then?"

"Yes, let's shall," answered Hermione, who, by now, had lipstick smeared all over her cheeks and nail polish on her eyelids.

And so the three friends trudged back up to the castle, unaware that behind them was a man by the name of Gilderoy Lockhart. He was whispering quietly to himself, so that only he could hear. What was he saying, you ask? 

"I am starfish."

THE END!

Wasn't that rambivilous? I know, it was, wasn't it! Wish me luck in the challenge and please review! Also, if you have time, could you read my other ficcies? Most of them are rather random like this, though there are several serious ones that I really must get around to finishing. Buh bye now!

~ Mrs. Norris


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